Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
