I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
