apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
