i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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