I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
