pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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