were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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