Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Randomize
