Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
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