he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Randomize
