hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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