Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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