omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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