Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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