We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
