Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
