There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
The air was thick with penises
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Randomize
