Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
