So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
