im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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