I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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