I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
