So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Randomize
