Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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