Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
You dont lie about slip and slides
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
