i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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