He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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