my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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