I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
