See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
