I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
