No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
