so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
