At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
