Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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