there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
