im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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