You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
