1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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