Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
