Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
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