I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
