omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
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