need another drink. this is the easiest way
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
