don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
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