dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
And then he peed in my hair
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