you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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