you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
