Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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