cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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