I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Congratulations! We have a period
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
