I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
