Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
