I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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