So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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