Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
